“What’s the matter with that jerk?! I send her a polite email and she gets all wound up – now she’s pissed off with me. I’m the one who should be pissed off – with her.”
Ever felt that way? If not, know anyone who has?
Who’s right and who’s wrong?
You take the time to write out a very well-intended email outlining the position your department is taking on the development of a new product. You keep it focused on the facts, and make sure there are no personal jabs enclosed in the wording. You read it over three times, go to press Send, then think you should read it over one more time, make a couple of very minor changes to make sure your intentions are clear, and then finally hit Send.
An hour later a reply lands in your Inbox that makes you flush and begin to sweat. What? Why would Debbie take what I said that way? It wasn’t aimed at her personally, nor were there any intentions of upsetting her. But here she is almost threatening me in her reply. What a jerk!
In practically any situation, we have a choice about how to respond. Faced with any situation, we have at least two ways to respond: We can react and read into the situation the very worst, or we can assume the best.
Even faced with an email, or a comment that seems very negative, accusatory, and provoking, you can choose to look at it as it seems. Or, you can look at it from the opposite side, looking for a positive intent hidden in the language. How often do you think people intentionally say things to annoy, frustrate, anger, insult, accuse, or any other negative thing? I suspect most people would answer that question by saying that it’s the exception rather than the rule that someone goes out of their way to do nasty things to you. And yet, our usual, our natural, and the reaction we jump to most easily and quickly is one of taking it in the worst way possible.
The next time someone says something to you that you immediately begin to react to in a negative way, stop. Just stop for a moment. Step back and think about the intent of the message. Look for a possible angle that you’re missing – an angle that is not meant to be negative. If you can’t find it, assume that it’s there – somewhere. Then ask the other person about it. Ask them what the intent was, staying open to the possibility that the message was meant to be positive and productive.
You have a choice about how you respond to any situation or message. Make the choice that the situation or message was meant in a positive and productive way.
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