Congratulations! You’ve finally been promoted to “manager.” While the bump in salary and new job title are nice, you now have heaps of responsibility you didn’t have before. As a manager, part of your new job is being responsible for the growth and well-being of an entire team.

You may be crying for help at this point. I spoke with a few recently-appointed managers and an executive coach to get their words of wisdom and advice for first-time managers.

Find Out What They Want
One of your new responsibilities as a manager is helping your direct reports reach their career goals. Have that discussion up front and start with a few questions such as, what are your career goals? How can I help you get there? What do you want out of this job?

According to Deirdre Walsh, senior social media manager for Jive Software, “if you start by understanding the career goals and plans for each person, that will help you make better decisions that will benefit the company and the individual.”

When Walsh started managing her team of two back in November 2011, she took as much time as possible up front to get to know her people. By building a relationship with her team early on, she felt better prepared to address business needs as they related to her group.

Become the Best Listener
Knowing how to really to listen to your team will be critical as you spend more time with them one-on-one. Cheryl McMillan, an executive coach for Vistage, said “if this is the only skill a manager has, he or she will progress farther than anyone else.”

But along with that comes restraint and the ability to listen without assuming you know the right answer right away, according to Mike Lee, assistant branch manager for a staffing and recruiting firm. He says new managers should “strive to truly listen during discussions rather than prepare in your mind what you will say next.”

Know You Won’t Be Awesome at First
You were probably promoted to “manager” because you have the most experience on your team, you’re a star performer and you have great people skills. While these are all important traits for new managers to have, chances are you won’t actually be good at management in the beginning. But that’s okay. In most cases, new managers need training and development just like any new hire within a company.

“Some people can be good at it right away,” said McMillan. “But there’s a big misconception that people can do this stuff naturally. Management is really a science and an art. People need basic knowledge first and then practice.”

New managers can get a jump start on training by building out a solid plan with development goals and consistent performance evaluations. This a great way to assess progress during the first few months on the job.

What advice do you have for first-time managers?

Senior executives & business owners. They often don’t have anyone to talk to, to share thoughts and problems with. After all, when you’re at or near the top you’re expected to have all the answers, so asking for advice or even for someone to bounce ideas off of can be seen as a weakness. That’s one reason why a majority of senior level executives have coaches.

New managers. I’ve coached a lot of new managers – people who are new to managing people. It’s become a coaching sweet spot for me as I’ve been very successful in helping people become better people managers. The typical coachee is someone who has been very successful in a somewhat technical position (salesperson, mechanic, software developer) so they’ve been promoted to a management position (sales manager, shop foreman, development team manager). But as you know, doing something that relies on specific skills does not mean that you will automatically be a good people manager. Managing people takes different skills from selling, repairing cars, or writing code. Fortunately, I’ve never met a person yet who can’t improve dramatically and become good people managers.

“Problem” employees. Another area that I’ve personally been successful with as a coach is helping “turn around” an employee who was under-performing. The majority of the time these employees are either allowed to under-perform and cause problems in the workplace, or they’re fired. Both of these end up costing the company huge amounts of money. One HR industry rule that I’ve seen referred to says that replacing an under-performing or problem employee costs the company the equivalent of three times that employee’s annual salary. Wow! That’s why a relatively small investment in coaching pays big dividends.

Of course, there are others who can benefit from coaching, but those are the obvious and most typical people that I’ve witnessed (firsthand, often) having coaching make big improvements in their careers. What’s interesting is how often the improvements changed a flat or declining career path to one that was heading to where the person really wanted it – upward.

So, what is leadership? That’s a big question. No, it’s a huge question. How about management – how does it differ? These are not questions I expect to fully answer here. What I am expecting to do is stir up some thinking.

And to start that thinking, here’s a couple of quotes:

Dwight Eisenhower once said, “Leadership: The art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.”

John Holt, the renowned educational reformer in his excellent book, Teach Your Own, said, “Leaders are not, as we are often led to think, people who go along with huge crowds following them. Leaders are people who go their own way without caring, or even looking to see, whether anyone is following them. ‘Leadership qualities’ are not the qualities that enable people to attract followers, but those that enable them to do without them. They include, at the very least, courage, endurance, patience, humor, flexibility, resourcefulness, stubbornness, a keen sense of reality, and the ability to keep a cool and clear head, even when things are going badly. True leaders, in short, do not make people into followers, but into other leaders.”

What is the difference between a leader and a manager? I have my own thoughts in this, but I really want yours. So I’m pleading for everyone reading this blog to post a comment below, answering the question of what the difference is between a leader and a manager. I know for a fact that the comments will mean a lot more than my opinion or any definition found in a business book or course.

Take a few minutes to click on the comment button below and write whatever you want about my question.

A number of years ago I was coaching a race driver who had been a mid-pack performer, mostly due to a lack of experience. In other words, he had good basic skills and techniques, but rarely put them all together because he just hadn’t developed the ability to do so yet. The best he had qualified for a race all season had been 12^th.

Prior to a qualifying session about two-thirds of the way through the season I asked this driver to tell me about the best performance he had had in any activity in his life. He recounted – and replayed in his mind – a hockey game he’d played a few years earlier where he had been totally in the zone, and played the best ever. During our conversation, I asked him what emotions he felt during that time, and it was obvious from his facial expressions how positive they had been.

Moments after our conversation he got in the car and went out for qualifying. He put it on the pole, setting fast time amongst two dozen drivers. First place!

What happened? Did he gain extra skill all of a sudden? No, he simply accessed all of his abilities within him. The replaying of the past success had triggered a performance state of mind. It had made him happy.

When someone is provided with positive feedback, it triggers a performance state of mind; it makes them happy. And, while it may seem simple, research study after research study have proven that people perform better when they’re happy. Read Shawn Achor’s book, The Happiness Advantage for details.

So, not only does positive feedback confirm for a person that they should do more of what they were praised for, but it puts them in a better state of mind. It actually makes them happier. Either way, they’re more likely to perform at a higher level because of it.

Of course, the feedback needs to be genuine…

Okay, some kind of fight, probably a mugging, and possibly even someone getting shot, right? Do you think you and I would respond in the same manner? While you want to call the police, for example, is it possible that I would rather just run to safety? Or chase after the three men to get information to pass onto police? Or go looking for an injured person in the alleyway?

It’s very likely that we would both respond in very different ways. Why? Because we have different mental programming, different software in our minds, developed over many years from our own unique experiences.

In the seconds that go by while you and I both scan the darkest regions of our minds to figure out what to do based on our programming, it hits you: this isn’t a real mugging, but a movie being shot. Almost immediately your body relaxes, and what goes through your mind next is, “Hey, I wonder if we can see some big-name star.”

Again, your programming, and therefore how you interpret a situation is different than mine. You can’t understand why I’m still looking nervous. With enough time, you might even think I’m not very smart for not realizing what’s really going on.

Now imagine your surprise when we walk around the corner and don’t see all the typical movie cameras, crews and trailers. What we notice is another three young men staggering out of the alley, wearing UW jerseys, hats and carrying purple and gold flags. Behind them, on the ground, is a beer can flattened as if run over by a truck. In this case, though, one of the first three men had grabbed it from the UW fans and stomped on it hard enough to cause the exploding bang we heard.

My point is that every situation, and every person can be interpreted in many different ways. And we will do that based on our programming, which was developed through many years of experience and interactions with countless numbers of people.

Makes you think that before you conclude what’s happening in any situation or with any person, stop, walk around the corner, and maybe even look at it from a completely different perspective. It’s not going to change your programming, but that different perspective, that different view, and especially more information may change which program gets triggered and how you’ll respond.

By the way, do you think the first three men were friends or foes of the UW fans?

For years I’ve been asking successful business owners, executives, managers, and founders one question: What do you hire for, fit or skill? In all but one time, the answer I’ve gotten from the most successful leaders is “hire for fit.” In other words, hire people who fit the company’s culture, who will fit in with co-workers, because anyone can learn skills – they can’t learn to fit a culture.

That’s not to say that I haven’t had many managers, owners, executives, and founders claim to hire for skill. Quite a few, actually, answer that way. But I can’t recall a single one that would be considered successful by many on the outside. In fact, there’s been a direct correlation between mediocre managers who claim to focus on a potential employee’s skill, and successful ones who hire for fit. Okay, it’s not a scientific study, but my anecdotal surveys are many enough to demonstrate more than a trend.

If you know much about Zappos, you know that the company is all about providing an incredible customer experience. They’ve built a culture focused on customer service. They hire people who will go out of their way to give customers an experience they will rave about. That’s not a skill that people either have or don’t have; it’s an attitude, it’s part of a person’s values. The skills to do so are developed.

What’s interesting is what inspired Hsieh to build a company so focused and committed to building the company’s culture. It was a personal experience at a company he founded. One day, he awoke and realized his company had changed, and it wasn’t pretty. The culture – the collective values – of the business had turned into something he didn’t like. The business had turned into something ugly. He couldn’t say exactly who, what or when it changed, but it had.

I’ve experienced the exact same thing. That’s probably one reason I enjoyed Delivering Happiness so much. Read it. I bet you’ll get more than you expected from it.

How often is your behavior impacted by what you think others think of you, or how they judge you? My bet is that most of what you do, especially within the workplace, is because of what you think is the “right” thing to do. You do what you think others want you to do or how they want you to be. Admit it, because it’s true. You don’t act true to yourself.

Is this a bad thing? Would you be better off behaving as if no one was judging you?

Imagine an entire day where you do only what you think is right, rather than what you believe others think is right. Give it a try. Act as if you are not being judged, and just do.

Some authors and management gurus will advise you to act as if you’re always being watched, as if you are constantly being evaluated. On the surface, I like the idea of that. It certainly has a chance of keeping you focused on being on your game. But it may hold you back from being who you really are. And maybe being who you are would result in you being on your game.

What’s the worst thing that could happen by simply being yourself – by acting as if no one is judging you? Could it be that you, being you, are a better performer than the you that you think you should be?

If I make a list, I’m less likely to make a major learning-take (that’s what I call a mistake that results in learning something): having to learn the same thing twice. Hey, there’s so much to learn that it’s a waste of time to learn something twice; why not learn something new?

Here are a few things I’ve learned over the past year:

• The iPad is awesome. I love it.
• I’ve learned more about trusting people. I won’t go into the details, but I’ve learned to tune up my sensitivity to whom I should and shouldn’t trust.
• There is a limit to how much I can do (although I’ll probably always push the limits on that one – and go over the limit many more times, just for the fun of it). I’m learning more about when and where I need to rely on others to do things.
• Helping people, in whatever they need help with, is the most rewarding thing I can ever do. Okay, I learned this in the past, but it was really hammered home again this past year.
• I’ve learned a little more about business finance – and the more I learn, the less I seem to know.
• One can never overestimate what it will take to get a new business up, running and financially successful.
• There are great opportunities for people and businesses that do a great job. There are so many that do just the minimum to get by that anyone who does just a little extra stands out from the crowd.

There are things that I’ve learned in the past, but that were reinforced this year:

• Surrounding myself with great people makes all the difference in the world. And staying away from the people who are not so great helps just about as much (and maybe more).
• The working environment – the culture – is more important than just about anything else.
• If I’m not having fun, I’m not performing at my best.
• The island of Kaua’i is the one place that I can truly relax and recharge. It’s a magical place for me, a place that I can use to put me in a great state of mind, whether I’m really there or just imagining it.

Oh, there are so many more things on my list from this past year – the list is very long! But those are a few that I hope will trigger a list of your own.

What did you learn in 2010?

Happy New Year!

So, do you have the answer?

I’m waiting…

Okay, maybe I’ll take a stab at it – although I’d still like to hear your answer. You can always post a comment below.

Mental models… That’s really what we’re talking about. And that’s one of the many things that great leaders do: they paint a picture of the future, helping everyone in the organization to develop a mental model of what the changed future looks like.

Developing a mental model is really mental imagery, otherwise known as visualization. When a leader designs a picture of what the future looks like, change and all, others develop a clear mental model of that future. And, for whatever reason, our minds tend to follow the image we put in it. In other words, if you help create a mental image of what the future will look like, and I get a very strong, clear picture of it, my mind will do everything it can to ensure it happens as you’ve represented it.

“Change comes from within.” Sounds very Zen-like, doesn’t it? But it fits organizational change. Until the people within the organization change their model of the business, nothing you do to the organization will change. Think of this change as being an inside-out approach, instead of an outside-in one. You can change procedures, you can change processes, you can even change the people in the organization, but until a majority of people have a clear mental model of what the change looks like, feels like, and sounds like, nothing will transform.

But that’s just my mental model of change. What’s yours? How do you think organizations can create change?